>
> ADULT
> A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in
> the middle.
>
> BEAUTY PARLOR
> A place where women curl up and dye.
>
> CANNIBAL
> Someone who is fed up with people
>
> CHICKENS
> The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead.
>
> COMMITTEE
> A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours
>
> DUST
> Mud with the juice squeezed out.
>
> EGOTIST
> Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.
>
> HANDKERCHIEF
> Cold Storage
>
> INFLATION
> Cutting money in half without damaging the paper
>
> MOSQUITO
> An insect that makes you like flies better.
>
> RAISIN
> Grape with a sunburn
>
> SECRET
> Something you tell to one person at a time.
>
> SKELETON
> A bunch of bones with the person scraped off
>
> TOOTHACHE
> The pain that drives you to extraction
>
> TOMORROW
> One of the greatest labor saving devices of today
>
> WRINKLES
> Something other people have;
> I have character lines!
>
> YAWN
> An honest opinion openly expressed.
>
>
>
> Jokes
> -----
>
> After a two-week criminal trial in a very high profile bank robbery
> case, the judge turns to the jury foreman and asks, "Has the jury
> reached a verdict in this case?"
>
> "Yes, we have, your honor," the foreman responded.
>
> "Would you please pass it to me," the judge declared, as he motioned
> for the bailiff to retrieve the verdict slip from the foreman and
> deliver it to him.
>
> After the judge reads the verdict himself, he delivers the verdict
> slip back to his bailiff to be returned to the foreman and instructs
> the foreman, "Please read your verdict to the court."
>
> "We find the defendant Not Guilty of all four counts of bank robbery,"
> stated the foreman.
>
> The family and friends of the defendant jump for joy at the verdict
> and hug each other as they shout expressions of divine gratitude.
>
> The man's attorney turns to his client and asks, "So, what do you
> think about that?"
>
> The defendant, with a bewildered look on his face turns to his
> attorney and says, "I'm real confused here. Does this mean that I
> have to give all the money back?"
>
> -o-o-o-o-
>
> Frequent hand washing in my job as a medical technologist and the
> harsh weather combined give me very dry skin.
>
> One night as I prepared for bed, I rubbed my hands with petroleum
> jelly and covered them with an old pair of white gloves. As I sat in
> bed reading a book with my gloves on, my husband finished showering
> and came into the room wearing a towel.
>
> Drying himself off, he went to the closet, selected a tie and put it
> on. "What are you doing?" I asked.
>
> "Well" he replied, "if you are going to be formal. So am I."
>
> -o-o-o-o-
>
> I was leaving for a two-day conference, and my seven-year- old
> daughter, Katherine, was becoming overly clinging and teary.
>
> I was mystified at her emotional reaction until I heard
> her say to my husband, "Daddy, I have a loose tooth. If it
> falls out while Mommy is gone, do you know how to handle
> this tooth fairy thing?"
>
> -o-o-o-o-
>
> What is a free gift? Aren't all gifts free?